Report Card

When I was in elementary school I used to get nervous to the point of sweating over what grade I was going to get when Teacher was handing back tests and papers. An A and a smiley face meant hours of happiness and pride. Anything B+ or lower and the absence of a gold star or a smiley face meant gloom and shame. Do you think anything has changed? The day before yesterday EP #1, the lovely, warm one who is my friend, gave me five notes on the whole movie, said only nice things about it beside those notes--which were small, detailed and very very smart--and then went on to talk for an hour about the temp score--the music from other movies which we've put on the film until our composer has finished his cues--also in a detailed and intelligent manner. She liked the movie and it was all very positive. She even said "What kind of notes will the network possibly have on this?" So why am I on the gloomy side? Because I didn't get an A+, a smiley face, a "this is brilliant and perfect." Then yesterday EP #3---the famous one, the one who ran two studios and a big record label into bankruptcy in the 80's and 90's and made several hundred million dollars in golden parachute fees along the way---spent a few hours in my cutting room being condescending, vague, and, truth be told, quite sharp and creative. And also quite positive about the movie: almost all of his comments had to do with ideas about the music. All in all, with a couple of exceptions which I will deal with, his comments will make the movie better. So why am I so low? Again: lack of a big hug, a YOU ARE BRILLIANT. So grow up already, Tom! You're a grownup professional, not a first grader whose entire ego is wrapped up in his precocity. In the land of grownup professionals it's about getting the job done, not about petting the cute little A student on the head. Basta, basta, basta,. I'm cross with myself for so easily giving in to feelings of insecurity, hurt feelings and fear of never working again (have felt that one since my first job 28 years ago) to the degree that I am.

Here's my biggest problem with EP #'s notes. It has to do with romantic music--music that expresses love. I feel that all the great love songs ever written are about yearning, longing, aching, not about happy happy triumph. Think of Unchained Melody. It's not a Sesame Street alphabet song. It's a ballad. There's a sadness to it, a sadness that makes you happy. EP #3 wants all the love music to be positive. First I have to not throw up at the thought of it. Then I have to figure out how to win on this one without making any enemies.