Holy Fucking Shit
I said yes. Well I didn't exactly say yes. At the beginning of the phone call with The Network I opened with the word "Okay!" which I meant as the opening gambit of a discussion and which The Network, I now realize, took as "I'm aboard!"--so that at the end of a two hour call haggling page by page over what I want to change and what they love just the way it is The Network said "Well I am soooo excited that you are doing this."
And I didn't open my mouth.
So I didn't say yes. I got yessed.
What have I just taken a big gulp of--champagne, or the Kool-Aid?
So now I'm back in it. With even more anxiety than the last round. Because not only do I have a WEEK LESS TIME TO PREP, I have a MAJOR REWRITE TO DO. And nobody cast, and no locations chosen, and and and and and...
Weren't we just here a few months ago?
I need to take a moment, though. I need to take a moment to
A: be grateful
B: remember that as queasy and uneasy as I'm feeling right now I'd be feeling just as queasy and uneasy if I had said no
C. also remember that all my anxiety the last time led nowhere and predicted nothing
D: and also remember that there's no knowing, but NO knowing, what decision is the right one and what's the wrong one, ever, even after the fact, so I should just go with the decision I've made and DIRECT THE MOVIE!
To put the gratitude issue in a brighter light: in terms of directing gigs, between my short subject and my first movie was five years. Between my first movie and my second was six years. Between my second and my third was eight years. Between my third and my fourth was no time at all--not a second in between.
And I didn't open my mouth.
So I didn't say yes. I got yessed.
What have I just taken a big gulp of--champagne, or the Kool-Aid?
So now I'm back in it. With even more anxiety than the last round. Because not only do I have a WEEK LESS TIME TO PREP, I have a MAJOR REWRITE TO DO. And nobody cast, and no locations chosen, and and and and and...
Weren't we just here a few months ago?
I need to take a moment, though. I need to take a moment to
A: be grateful
B: remember that as queasy and uneasy as I'm feeling right now I'd be feeling just as queasy and uneasy if I had said no
C. also remember that all my anxiety the last time led nowhere and predicted nothing
D: and also remember that there's no knowing, but NO knowing, what decision is the right one and what's the wrong one, ever, even after the fact, so I should just go with the decision I've made and DIRECT THE MOVIE!
To put the gratitude issue in a brighter light: in terms of directing gigs, between my short subject and my first movie was five years. Between my first movie and my second was six years. Between my second and my third was eight years. Between my third and my fourth was no time at all--not a second in between.
posted by Tom at 7:15 PM
5 Comments:
YEAHHHHHH!! You KNOW you can do it, and do it well. WE know you can do it and do it well. Just take a breath and get on with it. ((smiles))
Great!
Need another PA?
V--Thanks for the props. Greatly appreciated.
Paul--Yes. All you have to do is put yourself up in Winnipeg, work for free and be on call 18 hours a day in the freezing cold. When do you want to start?
wow, another canadian shoot. hopefully they put you up in as nice a place as they did last time.
I'd do it in a heart beat if I didn't have to figure out how to put myself up in Winnipeg. Maybe there's a shelter for the homeless and hungry?
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